BigRedChicken's Blog

The One With The Beard

2011-06-01T18:01:00.000-07:00

The moral of this story is don't accept a challenge from someone. It will lead you to asking numerous women to wear a fake beard that you spent hours knitting with your own hands so that you can take their picture. Seriously! And yes, you'll end up with some pretty great {read: absolutely awesome and 100% incredible} pictures that document everything, but they come at a great price. That great price being your status with your friends will change.

No, I didn't lose any friends. No one stopped calling or texting or hanging out. None of that happened, but I did go from being "D" or "Danielle" or "Hey you" to being "The One With The Beard." Yep, when you decide to accept a challenge, especially ones involving fake beards, knitting needles, and an iPhone camera, you will get a new name.

No worries, though, friends! "The One With The Beard" is great. I love the name most days. I like it on days when I meet someone for the first time and am introduced as "The One With The Beard" and get the initial shocked look that tells me they will be scouring my face with their eyes looking for my beard the instant I look away. "Surely its hiding there somewhere!" Their eyes say. Then I get to pull my fake beard from my purse with just the perfect expression on my face. I know I've nailed them with my expression of excitement and sheepishness with a healthy dose of expectation thrown in the mix. I know I nailed it cause I practiced it in the mirror the night before. No! I would never do that! Probably not, anyways. Moving on! Then to see their wary expression turn to giddiness at the chance to wear a beard for a few seconds is a gift I have grown to love. I am "The One With the Beard." I wear it proudly, but I probably wouldn't have chosen that name for myself. Eh. I accepted the challenge. Didn't realize how my life would change. I didn't realize how much I would learn about myself and the women who would participate. Its been an adventure.

Some of the things I learned along the way.

1) Women want beards. Period.
2) I love asking women,, " Will you wear my beard and let me take your picture?"
3) People in Texas like beards way more than people in Portland! SHOCKER!! Most of the doubles of people were taken in Texas on a recent 2 day trip! seriously crazy!
4) Beards are surprisingly easy to knit.
5) Women will come out of their shell to wear a beard.
6) People like to see pictures of women in a fake knitted beard.
7) People want a coffee table book with pictures of bearded ladies gracing the pages. Who knew?! 8) Once you have become "The One With The Beard" you will continually get texts, emails and phone calls requesting that you bring said beard with you to a certain event. Its kinda fun actually!

Gosh! There is so much more that I learned, but I want to get to the good stuff! I know you want to see the result of my month long project. So, below are the pictures. I had planned to take only one picture per lady, but they were too great to not share them all. All of these are posted on Instagram (where the challenge was issued) and on Flickr. Also, for those of you waiting to post your pics, thank you for waiting! Feel free to share them with the world!

Of all the women that I asked, only 7 refused, the rest are below! Enjoy!

The knitted beard seen here is not my own pattern. I used this pattern by Liza Root.

Werewolfs & Cannibals, Oh My!

2011-05-19T15:34:00.000-07:00

Last week I received an email notification saying that one of my matches on an online dating site I had recently joined sent me a message. Sounds exciting, huh? The message was short and read, "Your profile made me smile!" Whoo! That's exciting! Who doesn't like to hear this? For several weeks I've been a member of this site and while I haven't had tons of communication with matches it has happened. Mostly in the form of multiple choice questions for me to answer. This is the first message I've received and its from a match that I didn't realize I had.

I log into the site to check out all my matches for the day. The first name on the list is Mr. John Doe XVII, the "gentleman" who sent me the message. Before even opening his profile, I will admit that I am already drawing conclusions.

His name seems a little pretentious. I mean, who puts "Mr." in front of their name? And who has been named after 17 other people? (I am exaggerating here for purely dramatic reasons.)

He doesn't have any pictures. Hmmm...I know he's a paying member since he sent me a message. This should mean that he can post a picture. I'm beginning to wonder why he doesn't have a pic up. What is he hiding???

But, I continue on to his profile and open it up. After all, he took the time to send me a message! I can read his profile and just see if we could further communication. As I'm waiting for the page to load I'm starting to wonder about this guy and his lack of a picture. By the time that the page is up I have determined that he's a really ugly, super hairy guy who looks half werewolf. Lucky for him looks don't matter too, too much to me and most importantly I've studied his kind. I mean, come on! I read Twilight!

The page is loaded and I begin to read. Despite the hairy mental image I have of this guy, I am hopeful. If he is a werewolf, maybe he's rich, only rich people have names like Mr. John Doe XVII! The first thing that the profile says is, "What are you most passionate about?" Some people put music or art or Jesus or a list of things. These are normal answers and exactly what I was expecting from Mr. John Doe XVII. His answer read something like this:

"I am passionate about having fun, reading, walking on the beach, and I have a strong passion for passionate lovemaking. Oh, and I have a passion for reading the KJV."

Mhhmm. You read that right. Mr. John Doe XVII has a strong passion for passionate lovemaking. Oh! And don't forget that he is also passionate about reading the KJV! Those two usually go together, right?

No, no, no, no, no, no!!! This is so creepy. This faceless, hairy werewolf is nothing like what I expected. I am really creeped out and cannot continue to read his profile. His passion for passionate lovemaking has terrified me and made me never want to hear those words again. As well, he has ruined the KJV of the Bible for me. I will never, ever, never look at that version the same. I doubt I will be able to read from it without thinking of Mr. John Doe XVII and his passions. Gross. He's done. I close the match and move on to what I hope are better matches.

So, imagine my surprise when I open another profile that seems to be normal. As I'm browsing through his profile some things pop out and stick with me.

He says that he really likes exploring caves. I find this a little odd. I mean, caves are cool, but I will not go cave exploring with a guy I don't know and from the way he's describing his passion for the exploration of caves? I'm thinking that it's his grand plan for the first date. He's seriously passionate about cold, dark, dank places. Alrighty!

He says that the first thing people notice about him is that he's intimidating. He says he doesn't mean to come across that way, it just seems to happen. Okay, so clearly his exuberance for cave exploring doesn't go over so well with other people either. Still, I read what I think could be enough redeeming qualities to, at least, keep the match open.

As I'm browsing through his pictures I am noticing a recurring theme. Crazy eyes. Yeah, this guy's pictures are all of him with his eyes open extremely wide. I'm pretty sure I've seen more of this guy's eyes than I've seen of anyone else's eyes. I have also pinpointed another reason that people are intimidated by him. Crazy eyes. They are intimidating. No, really they just freak me out. Maybe he doesn't know the difference between someone who is intimidated and someone who's a little freaked out by crazy eyes.

The next picture is normal, but with the crazy eyes. Oh, and he's HOLDING A CHAINSAW!!

Huh. Yeah, so the crazy eyes coupled with the cave exploration and the chainsaw leads me to believe that he is the Craigslist Cannibal. I'm positive of it. I have just been matched with the guy whose lunch called the police when he tried to eat him. I'm intimidated.

Is that a picture of him with a pile of dead bodies? WHAAAAAAAAT?????????

I can't even...oh, nah!

Its actually him and a pile of CPR dummies, but the damage is done. I'm positive that he is a cannibal. No wonder he likes cave exploring! Its where he leads his victims before he uses his chainsaw to cut them into bite size pieces while the whole time keeping his eyes extra wide open. The better to see you with, I suppose. Its never gonna work. I don't like to snack on friends or enemies or any other human. No thanks. I close the match and call my friend Anna to fill her in on my great evening turned horrific.

Over the next week, I continually regale my friends with these amazing stories from my first few weeks as a member of an online dating site. Do I think I'll continue with my membership? Probably not. My hope of finding "true love" online has been greatly dashed by these matches and some that I'll just have to tell you about later. Apparently a lot of the nutjobs like to use the dating sites online. Think I'll just stick to finding someone the old fashion way. Good luck to all you who are using a dating site! Beware of werewolves with passions for passionate lovemaking. And don't go into any caves with chainsaw wielding guys no matter how much his crazy eyes mesmerize you!

When Sally...er, Dani met Harry

2011-04-14T15:47:00.000-07:00

This story starts on November 19th, 2010 at 11:30pm and you should know, my life was about to change. My feet, hands, and nose were frozen despite the shield of umbrellas my friends and I were huddled under. We had been standing in the cold and the rain since 9pm. Around 10pm we realized that we needed umbrellas (Don't ask me why a group of seasoned Pacific Northwestern transplants didn't come prepared). With the umbrellas we created a force-field that repelled rain and kept in warmth. We were in preservation mode.

We had a task set before us and no one was to be deterred. The previous week had been a marathon of Harry Potter movies which was to culminate this night at 12:05an in a viewing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1. Our excitement was palpable. Even though we were exhausted from the lateness of the evening coupled with shivering for hours, our remaining energy threatened to bubble out of our very pores. That's how excited we were. They let us into the theater about a half hour before our start time which really wasn't soon enough. I think, though, we were just glad to be rid of the stares that had penetrated our umbrella force-field (which we might have kept up even after the rain stopped...hence, the stares).

Finally the movie begins...and...it ends. Way too soon. It leaves me literally sitting on the edge of my seat with wonder over how the story ends. I thought there would be some sort of resolution. Nope! Stay tuned for the next episode, they say! I'm not willing to wait months to know how this 7yr long journey will end for Harry, Ron and {my favorite} Hermione. My marathon week of watching hours and hours of movies has ended with a cliff hanger. Gah!

I decide that those movie makers don't know me well and determine to read the last book. However, (and here it all goes awry) my OCD tendencies creep up and I can't start a series in the middle! This means I have to start at the beginning. This will require determination and commitment. I've got both and I'm ready! I'm a quick reader, a speed demon when it comes to devouring words! I'll breeze right through this!

Fast forward 2 months and I'm stuck. I've lost interest in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Book 2). I've been stalled on the same page for ages and start to lament I will never finish this series. Maybe I should just wait for the movie. But no!! I want to READ them! So, I push on. My friend Ann is reading them too. We started at the same time and I'm falling behind in the competition (the one in my head, that is). I persevere.

Ann, our friend Anna, another friend Ashley and I make the trek to Seattle to see the Harry Potter Exhibit. On this one day, I was able to satisfy my craving for good Mexican food, see a delightful new city and feel like I was part of every Harry Potter movie. Ann lets me know I'm falling behind in our competition by pointing out all the things in the book she's reading. On the way there and back we listen to the Twilight soundtracks.

Knowing I'm still stuck in my Harry Potter reading, Anna (who has already read the books. No competition there. She has already won.) suggests that I listen to them on audio book. I think, what a fabulous idea! I get a copy and start taking him with me everywhere. He comes along on every drive I take, every trip to the library, with every stitch I knit Harry is with me, he even helps me pass the time at the grocery store. Everywhere I go, the narrator, Jim Dale is whispering in my ear with his brilliantly executed character voices.

Book 3: Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban

Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Finally!! I have finally made it to book 7! I am so excited!!! Jim Dale's voice even seems more excited as he starts telling me the story of Harry's final book. It takes me a week to get to the end of part 1, or where the movie leaves off. I'm pretty stinkin' excited. I even let Ann know that she's losing our competition (again, all in my head). When I tell her, I take her groan to mean that she's ashamed that she has fallen behind a book and a half and smile to myself. I'm winning.

Ann, Anna, our friend Kayla, and I are knitting in our favorite coffee shop yesterday. Our conversation is mainly centered around how to obtain our copies of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 on DVD which comes out on Friday. Then the conversation progresses to a movie viewing party and having Harry Potter-esque food at the party. I volunteer to bring the Butter Beer and Anna says she'll make Shepherd's Pie. We're all getting excited about seeing the movie again when I decided to check Facebook...

Commence more lamenting, gnashing of teeth and utter disappointment (I might be exaggerating here, although, maybe not). Another friend has posted as their status what I believe to be a post on Tangled, a recent Disney movie. In his post he says that theres a spoiler. Having already seen Tangled many times, I see no reason to refrain from reading his post. In his spoiler on Tangled, my friend somehow manages to spoil ALL of Harry Potter as well. I'm sure this takes talent, but I'm quite sure I wouldn't know what to call said talent. No longer is there mystery as to what happens Harry and his friends. I now know why everyone has told me I would need tissues. Lamenting...gnashing of teeth...utter disappointment. I hurriedly shield Ann from the devastation. Harry Potter has been ruined for me, but it doesn't mean she can't be saved the disappointment! Even if she is the competition! Its just too painful and she doesn't deserve that kind of pain. She's a good person! She vows to not even look at Facebook until its safe. I think she'll keep this promise. She's seen my upset and doesn't want it as her own. (Insert tragically sad face here.) More lamenting...gnashing of teeth... and utter disappointment ensue for the next thirty minutes or so. (We might or might not have been asked to leave the coffee shop because of my loud lamenting. Probably not. Probably.)

Despite knowing how it all turns out, I still listened to Jim Dale continue to spin J.K. Rowling's' story on my drive home from the coffee shop. When I got in my car this morning, I still plugged in my phone to listen. My commitment to finishing Harry's story with him is unwavering. We'll get through this together, Harry & I will. He's a trooper and I'm happy to finish out his story with him. I think he's worth it. Even though I know what happens to all my wizard friends, I'm pretty excited to buy the movie and I will be at Anna's party to share in a little bit of Harry's culture and another viewing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1. Although, this time I hope to have dry clothes, no need of an umbrella force-field and warm comfy blankets. And you can bet your last dollar I will once again stand in line for hours, rain or shine, (but probably rain - its the Pacific Northwest! The rain NEVER stops!) to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 at midnight. Harry and I are committed. We're in this together. For the long haul. Its Harry and me against the world. Well, ok, not really...doesn't make me love him any less! After all, my life has been changed forever, even if it is more Riddikulus!

Hope you get to join in another bit of Harry's life on DVD tomorrow night! Might I suggest some Butter Beer to wash down your popcorn?

Have you read Harry Potter? Seen the movies? Tell me what you think! PLEASE!!! NO SPOILERS!!!

Truly Extraordinary Hope

2011-04-08T18:53:00.001-07:00

In her book, Life, In Spite of Me, Kristen Jane Anderson details one horrific choice and how she learns to cope with the consequences. With courage and faith, Anderson chronicles the tragic events that led to that fateful decision to lie down and let a train run over her. Every word of her book is filled with hope and encouragement for those that are dealing with similar situations. With an easy to read writing style, Anderson has notes throughout the book that offer comfort to those readers who might be dealing with similar situations.

Just a few chapters into this book I had already recommended it to several friends. The amazing testimony of Christ's power in Anderson's life is something to be shared. With tears filling my eyes, Anderson continually inspired me to be reminded of what Christ has done in my life. If you are thinking about buying this book, its an easy, encouraging read on faith and how each of us is precious to God. If you are contemplating or have ever contemplated suicide, I urge you to read this book to remind you of how powerful your life is to those around you and of the love that surrounds you even when you don't feel it.

*Please note: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

2011-01-17T14:34:00.000-08:00

This morning I posted on Twitter & Facebook that I miss hugging my friends in Texas. It's the truth. I miss leaving a place (someone's house or church or wherever) and hugging everyone in the room. This has always been normal for me. Then I moved here, to Washington state, and I have found that I really don't get to hug many people. I feel most connected with a person when a high five or pat on the back or arm or a hug is natural and not forced. Over the last week or so, I've mentioned to a few friends that I have been particularly discouraged because I don't feel like relationships I'm forming/trying to form are progressing. I am spending time with people and feel that I am slowly [read: sllllloooowwwwllllyyy] getting to know them, but I don't feel like I'm actually connecting in any real way. I haven't been able to figure out why, until today.

Have you ever read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary D. Chapman? If not, I recommend it. Its a great book on different styles of feeling loved and loving people. It will really open your eyes to why you might feel most loved when someone gives you a gift rather than when they do something for you. Or maybe why a pat on your shoulder means much more than a compliment ever could, etc. You can read more on the book on their website here and even take their cool quiz that they now have on the website here. Below is a list of all the five love languages and my score from the quiz. If you want more info on what each language means, you can see that here.

Physical touch : D's score - 11

Quality time : D's score - 10

Words of Affirmation : D's score - 4
Acts of Service : D's score - 3
Gifts : D's score - 2

As you can see, my top two are physical touch & quality time.

The 5 Love Languages website describes quality time like this:

"In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full,
undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really
being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on
standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions,
postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful." (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/)

And physical touch like this :

"This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is
Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back,
holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all
be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and
accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and
destructive." (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/)

So, its no wonder that I feel like I'm not really connecting with people. Yes, I might be getting the quality time, but without the physical touch of a hug or arm pat or even just someone placing their hand on my arm as they pass, I'm lacking one of the most essential pieces that makes me feel loved and valued. Please hear my heart, I'm not saying that no one hugs me in Washington. I get hugs from certain people, many that I wish I got to see more often, but its somehow different.

And it makes me miss my Texas friends and their hugs all the more. I haven't seen any of them in almost four long months. So, instead of being sad and lamenting any further about how I need people to hug me, I would like to tell you about some of my favorite hugs. :0)

My most favorite hugs come from my friends and each are completely different and unique to each person, but there are similar styles. I'm sure you can relate to some of these kinds of hugs and hopefully someone will come to mind as you read. If not, I highly recommend my friends. They give awesome hugs!

[...in no particular order]

1) There is the "I probably know more about you than anyone in the world" hug. This person knows all about your hopes, fears, sins, delights, hurts, hangups and bad habits. They know your theories on yawns (yes...I have one) and they know about that thing you did last summer that you would never tell anyone else. And yet, their hug conveys that they love you because of the good things and even more because of the bad things.
Persons that give these hugs best : Jalah Ahlstedt Lawrence (TX), Heather Rountree (TX), Ashley Heck Barnes (TX) and Liz Dvoracek (OR)

2) You can also find the "hug that needs no words." This person may not always know what to say when you are sad and hurting, but their hug speaks volumes. Even with just a hand hold they can convey that they are there for you and won't leave your side until absolutely necessary. This person is a strong person that you know would fight for you should the need ever arise. This hugger is also good at encouraging with a high-five or touch as they walk by.
Persons that give these hugs best: Jennifer Bell (TX) Joanna Kelley (TX), Angela Speed (TX), Ashley Charon (TX), Kayla Humphries (TX), Rachel Dorsey (TX) and Amy Meisner (WA)

3) Then there is the "in the moment" hug. This hug says, "I am in this moment and I am beyond delighted you have joined me! Let's savor it together!" This hugger usually has little time to spare, but they are always willing to stop for a hug. Their hugs could typically be considered a bear hug. This hug envelopes you and depending on the strength of the person, can squeeze the air out of you.
Persons that give these hugs best: Kodi Tanner (TX), Kayla Aldape (TX), Chad Lawrence (TX), Andy Dvoracek (OR) and Nicolle Gatson (WA)

4) I can't forget to mention the "this should be awkward, but is actually endearing" hug. This hug is usually accompanied by something that should be considered weird, but has actually become endearing to you. One friend, Ashley, lays her head on my chest and wraps her arms around my arms making it hard for me to hug her back. (example here) Another friend, Jennifer, will hug me and then stare at my forehead with which she has an odd fascination. I'm sure that everyone has someone who gives this hug. If so, you know what I mean when you hear its no longer awkward, but now its endearing. In the end, its a hug you would never trade.
Persons that give these hugs best: Ashley Heck Barnes (TX) and Jennifer Harvey (WA)

5) The last hug is sometimes one of the best, its the "I'm so happy to see you, even though I saw you 20 minutes ago" hug. This hug is always given with great enthusiasm which can make it terrific. Sometimes its accompanied by jumping up and down or a huge grin or just simply with a "Danielle!" (<----- insert your name). Then the hugger practically bounces over to you and shares their joy at seeing you totally forgetting that they just saw you in the other room. Persons that give these hugs best: Heather Rountree (TX), Janna Seal (TX), Deborah Crawford (TX), Kaylene Stewart Howe (TX), Bethany Harris (TX), Kelsey Fitzpatrick (WA), and Shad Gatson (WA)

What other hugs can you think of? Reading through my list, did certain people come to mind? Tell me about them! If they're freely giving out hugs, we need to be friends!!

2010-10-11T22:21:00.000-07:00

So, I have this friend up here in the Pacific Northwest (PNW) named Jenni. I met her 4 days after I moved up here. I follow her on Twitter and have gotten to know a few things about her. One is that she is terribly sarcastic. ;0) Another is that she is really an encouragement to those around her and loves people. All of these things I can relate to and make me love her even more than I already did. So, when she asked me for her opinion on a post that she wrote last week about a great city in my favorite state, TX, I happily gave it. My opinion is below. Before you read that, though, I urge you to read her post and the comments that stirred up a whole mess of trouble.

Once you come back, here's the email I sent to her with my opinion on whats going on at her place:

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I can recall as early as grade school hearing El Paso being referred to as "the armpit" of Texas. It was never in reference to any perceived unsavory past or present of El Paso, nor was it a reference to its residents. No, it was in reference to the location of El Paso on the map of Texas. This isn't something that the children made up. I remember this from my teachers who were trying to help us remember where the cities of Texas are geographically. And, frankly it was a fun way to remember the cities. Today, if you ask me where in the world is El Paso, I would respond, "In the armpit, of course!!" and then follow it up with a very poorly drawn map of Texas. I've never heard El Paso referred to as stinky, though I can see how someone might take offense to their city being called the armpit in reference to any smell it might have. As all Texans know, The Stinky City is Beaumont...jk! ;0) (It is literally stinky!!) I talked with a friend today regarding this and asked her opinion. She still lives in my hometown and has never lived outside of TX. Her words, "Texans, for some reason, are ridiculously proud about the stupidest things about our state. It doesn't surprise me that someone would take offense to that just because they can." And it is completely true. I never realized how proud I am that I was born & raised in TX till I moved away. Now when people tease me about being from TX, I spout off some fact about the greatest state in the country and leave them with a smile on MY face. Who knows if they're smiling. I'm sure they think that I'm a crazy TX who would rather the state succeed from the Union and become its own country again. (I might or might not move back should that occur...just sayin')

Having recently moved across the country, I completely understand the things that you were looking for when you visited. These were things some of the same things that I was looking at before moving here. None of them are specifically the same, but very similar. I, like you, did most of my cultural research through talking with people. I talked with both transplants and people who were born in the PNW. My main question is always - Do you feel the spiritual darkness? Almost all the transplants say that they feel it oppressively. After reassuring those born in the PNW that I wasn't trying to offend, most tell me that they don't. Its just the way it is for them. They've never known any differently.

How was I to know that when I moved that the door knobs would be upside down, I would always think that I spilled gas on myself when leaving the station and that prime time TV wouldn't start until 8pm? These are just a few of the observations I've made while living here, but I've also made observations about the culture. Those observations might be offensive to some and aren't going to fit each person specifically. However, for the vast majority, I think that they fit into at least one of these categories:

- PNWesterners are socially introverted. Most will not invite someone they have just met into their home.
- PNWesterners probably do not talk to people in the grocery line. In my observation, talking in the grocery line in the PNW gets you weird looks.
- PNWestern Christians don't typically sing loudly and/or raise their hands in church.

Of course, there are always exceptions! I think when you are coming from a culture that is vastly different (me from the South to here; you from the PNW to the South) you are more sensitive to the cultural differences that have made impacts in your life. Growing up in the South, hospitality was a large part of life. I have met numerous people the day I'm having a party and invited them over. Heck, I've met people in the grocery line and invited them over (true story!). That's just the way it is in the South. Did I learn this from my parents? Heck no!! They are the exception to the rule...people didn't typically go to our house. We were usually invited to someone else's. In my life, hospitality was such that the first house I lived in after moving out of my parents house, I practically handed out keys to everyone I knew & maybe a few I didn't. No less than 8 (possibly more) of my friends and loved ones had access to the house at anytime whether my roommate & I were home or not.

In church, I am used to singing loudly and raising my hands. I really get into worship on Sunday morning when I can hear the people around me worshipping. Its all those angelic (or not so angelic) voices being raised to Heaven. I can just see God enjoying the sound way more when there's more voices loudly singing! However, most of the churches that I have attended up here consist of quiet voices and very few raised hands (unless the lyrics of the song call for it!).

None of these things are bad, they're just different than the life I have existed in for the past 26 years. And I think those differences are magnified when you look at them through a spiritual eye to discern God's will. Your eyes are opened to the ways that you are different from the culture you are seeking to exist in and determining if God can use you and your talents there. You take those differences and your eyes can see the way that God is working or will work and how exactly you, as a puzzle piece, will fit into His big picture. So, I didn't read your observations about El Paso and think that you were judging people, Christian or not. I read that and saw that you were simply trying to seek out God's will for your life. I've been there. It can be a hard struggle and a move across the country is HUGE!! Made even more huge because you have a family for which to make this decision. It brings to mind even more questions than I had as a single person. And those statistics, you should look at those and form an opinion on them! Its your family for goodness sake!!

I think that people need to give compassion before they shell out the discouraging remarks. Without knowing someones background, experiences and relationship with the Father, how can you make a blanket statement assuming that they are disparaging something you hold dear. Unfortunately, I see an increasing number of people dealing in rash remarks before considering the other person. I commend you for being gracious and apologizing to those that were unhappy with your post. I'm not sure that I could have had the same response, if I'm being honest. I know that you have a heart for people and want to love them and that shines through every word that I have seen in you. Even the sarcastic ones! I appreciate you and your encouragement to me! And I am super excited that God is sending someone (maybe you) to my home state. Despite what people may think, people EVERYWHERE need Christ and someone has to take Him to them. Why wouldn't He use someone who loves people and Him? :0)

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I would love to hear your opinion on this post and on Jenni's. Did you feel that Jenni was disparaging against El Paso?

Who Would Have Guessed?

2010-03-26T08:58:00.000-07:00

Gluten sensitivity is a collection of diseases in which wheat prolamins and glutelins are the sensitizing factor. People with gluten sensitivity, celiacs disease and non-celiacs gluten intolerance must avoid wheat, barley, rye, and oats in all forms.

For as long as I can remember, I have always had some sort of medical issue. When I was in high school I would rather go without breakfast than suffer through the painful stomach cramps that I would have. This painful stomach cramping has never gone away, but it has been put on the back burner. About four years ago I started having severe dizzy spells, during which I wouldn't be able to sit up or stand. Sometimes they would last for hours.

After that, I started having ear, nose and throat infections. Over the last four years I have had 27 infections. The last one started in March 2009 and I am finally rid of it now after surgery in February 2010. Almost a year!! My ENT, the amazing Dr. Shellenberger, was telling me almost every time that I saw him (which was pretty frequently!) that I was allergic to something. I had been tested for outdoor allergies and food allergies through a series of 144 needle pricks during one office visit (not a fun day, to say the least!!). While I did have mild outdoor allergies, it was nothing that should have caused all the sinus problems. So, I decided to try to avoid as many chemicals as possible. I stopped cleaning with bleach and switched to vinegar. I switched to a different laundry detergent that used enzymes instead of soap. Still nothing, the infections kept coming and now they were making a home inside my head. After 5 surgeries and still no end in sight, I was beyond frustrated. I had resigned myself to a life of infections and pain.

I was on IV antibiotics at the end of last year when one of my clients at Speedsoft (my previous employer) said that her husband had been to that point as well. After some research and talking with their doctor they decided to place him on a white flour-free/white sugar-free diet. White flour and white sugar can significantly raise the amount of mucous that the body creates, sometimes resulting in...you guessed it!...sinus infections! I talked with Dr. Shellenberger and he agreed that it was worth a try. He did tell me that some of his patients have great success with this exclusion diet, but he didn't want me to get my hopes up because it doesn't work for everyone. I decided to wait until after surgery in early February and did some more research.

A week after surgery I started the diet. In the beginning it was really hard to avoid those foods, but over time I decided that eating gluten-free was much easier. Many gluten-free products don't have the over-processed white sugar that I was trying to avoid as well as no white flour. My third week in, I finally was completely gluten-free for one week. I really was feeling a lot better. The sinus pressure and sinus headaches that I had suffered through daily for four years were gone! I was thinking more clearly and seemed to be remembering things more easily, both of which I had really started to struggle with. And miraculously the painful stomach cramping that I had been dealing with for more years than I could count was completely gone! I hadn't felt this great in YEARS!!! I was beginning to think that I had some issues with gluten (not just white flour & white sugar), but didn't really want to accept it quite yet.

The Saturday following my gluten-free week my family went out to celebrate my grandfather's 74th birthday. He chose to go to Babe's Chicken. I was excited and was ready for the super yummy, gluten-filled food! I was determined to not even think about the amount of gluten I would be eating and enjoy myself. As well, this was the day to determine if I did have issues with gluten. I was right on schedule to reintroduce it and let it create whatever havoc it might on my body. I enjoyed every bite of the biscuits and chicken fried steak with gravy that they placed in front of me. I enjoyed that almost as much as the time spent with my family.

Driving home after lunch, I began to notice that I was feeling a lot of pressure in my sinuses. Still not wanting to give up gluten for the rest of my life, I decided that I had just been outside and my allergies were bothering me. By the time that I got home, about 30 minutes later, I was running for the bathroom and my stomach cramping was back in full force! Within a few hours I had a full-fledged sinus headache and I was really struggling to concentrate on things. The stomach cramping would last through the next 2 days and result in many trips to the bathroom. Finally I was feeling better on Monday, although I was extremely fatigued. I was avoiding gluten, but still not convinced that the whole episode wasn't just a fluke.

A few days later I would visit Chick-fil-a with my sister and not even thinking about it, I ordered my usual chicken sandwich. I didn't realize my mistake until about a half hour later when I was running for the restroom and could feel a headache coming on. This episode sealed the deal for me. I needed to avoid gluten.

While a doctor has never diagnosed me with a gluten intolerance (be it Celiacs or Non-Celiacs), I know that I feel 100+% better when I am avoiding gluten. Now that I have gone gluten-free, I can no longer be tested through traditional methods for Celiacs. My body has started to heal and the signs of Celiacs that might have been present would no longer be there. Knowing how good I can feel, I'm not willing to go back to eating gluten for a simple diagnosis. I know that I feel better without it and I am not willing to compromise my well-being for a test. Before I went gluten-free I might have thought someone was crazy for being willing to live a certain way, such as gluten-free, without a doctor's diagnosis. Its really was not a hard decision to make, though. The benefits far out-weigh the higher cost of food and the hassle that it creates when buying food and dining out.

Just be prepared the next time that we go out to eat together that I WILL be creating a fuss. I want to avoid gluten at all costs. So, be prepared to wait till I talk to a manager or chef and be prepared for me to request assistance. This is my life now and I would much prefer to go through a little hassle at a restaurant than to end up with another sinus infection that lands me in the hospital with another PICC line and blood clot!

I know that this is a blessing from God, that I have figured out what was causing ALL my life-long medical issues. I also feel that I have been blessed with people that ARE willing to invite me to their house and buy blocks of cheese instead of shredded cheese (which is covered in flour!!) so that I can have cheese on my potatoes. And I am blessed by those people who sit next to me at the restaurant and are excited for me that I was able to get my point across to the waiter that I can't eat gluten. Or any of the people that have patience with me while I figure out what I can and can't eat. I'm definitely not a pro at this, but I am trying! And feeling better and better ALL THE TIME!!!

Praying For Your Testimony

2009-12-03T07:33:00.000-08:00

February will make it four years. Four years since I walked into my doctor's office with severe dizziness that wouldn't go away. Four years since I had what would be my first of twenty-seven sinus infections. Some of these infections would move to my throat and ears causing my dizziness. Four years since I would start the walk down the road to adenoidectomies, turbinate reductions, uvulaectomies, and balloon rhinoplasty. Four years of, at times, excruciating pain that would land me in the ER. Four years of wondering and hoping that this one would be the last one.

March will be two years since I was diagnosed with a 33% deficit in my balance system that will forever leave me prone to vertigo (chronic dizziness). In March it will be a year since I was finally diagnosed with chronic sinus disease. I say finally because that was the moment I knew that there wasn't a hope that I would have a last sinus infection. I would deal with this for the rest of my life. It made the dealing with the infections a lot easier. I realized that I had to stop living in fear of the next infection and start learning how to deal with them one at a time.

My diagnosis of sinus disease came with a CT Scan that showed a spot of sinus disease in my right ethmoid sinus, right between my eyes. The spot wasn't very big, the doctor said and we were just going to watch it to make sure it didn't get any bigger. I had another sinus infection in June 2009, right before I went on a trip to Washington state. While we were on the trip I was taking antibiotics for that infection. The cool wet climate was great on my sinuses and I came home feeling better than I had in years!

Now, I am dealing with a sinus infection that I have had since August and it just won't go away. My doctor prescribed medicine that I have taken successfully for years. Strangely, this medicine caused my legs to swell up to where I could barely walk. So, the medicine was changed. I was placed on this new medicine for 3 weeks. After 2 weeks I still had no relief. The doctor said that surgery was looking like my best option after a month on antibiotics. I told him that I couldn't afford surgery and that I would like to try some other antibiotics that were stronger. The doctor put me on 2 strong antibiotics for 4 weeks. I started Wednesday, the next day. To say that taking these antibiotics was an arduous task would be putting it lightly. They had to be taken every four hours and made me extremely nauseated. On the Sunday after starting the new meds, not even a week into taking them, I suddenly became very sick. I threw up for six hours. The doctor decided that I shouldn't take those meds anymore. He called me back a little later and said that my only options were surgery or IV antibiotics.

I started the IV antibiotics the following Saturday, after a week off of all meds. For the past two weeks I have had a peripheral line in one of my hands or arms. My hands and arms are full of tracks and I'm starting to look like a drug junky. Which I guess could be true as I am doing intravenous drugs, but its by doctor's orders - I swear! ;0) The IV has been pretty painful at times, but doable. The medicine is super easy to administer and I take half an hour while I'm sitting at work to do it. The meds have really helped me to feel better and I am almost back to normal. On Wednesday I called my doctor's office. While I was feeling a LOT better, I still have some infected drainage and knew that I needed at least a few more days. They called me back and said that the doctor wanted to do another 14 days of antibiotics.

Another 14 days meant that they would have to stick me another 4-5 times and I didn't have any more veins for them to use! So the doctor ordered a PICC line (Praise the Lord!!). A PICC line is basically an IV that goes in at your bicep and travels up your arm and across your chest and ends right above your heart. They can stay in for up to a year. The peripheral lines can only stay in for 3-5 days and I was having to have mine replaced every three. As it turned out, I was already scheduled to have a PICC line inserted today at 9am.

At 5pm yesterday I got the horrifying news. Putting in a PICC line would cost me $3400. This is the amount that I have left on my insurance deductible. So I had 15 hours to come up with the money. Of course, I would be told this after office hours. There was no way that I would be able to figure out other options or really do anything other than wonder how I was going to pull this off. I started texting people and imploring them to pray. I knew that I couldn't come up with $3400 in such a short amount of time, but I did know that God could do this!

Three hours later I met my friends Heather and Jalah for coffee, our normal after-bible-study Wednesday night tradition. Driving to meet them, I told God that I was going to trust in Him. I didn't know how He planned on providing, but I knew that He would. When they came into the coffee shop they handed me an envelope. Inside the envelope was a card with almost $1100 in it. The card simply said, "God provides" in Heather's beautiful handwriting. Some of the checks that were in there were from people that I have never met. Most of the money was in cash from people that I will never be able to thank enough. On top of that, I had other family members who had already put money in the mail for me. I was so overwhelmed with the generosity of each of the people that contributed. And I was well on my way to getting the PICC line. God had this all in His hands.

But wait! It gets even better!!

This morning I woke up knowing that I would have to figure out how to pay for the rest of the procedure. I called the hospital where my appointment was, I called my doctor's office, I called anyone that I thought could help. The hospital was willing to put me on a payment plan for the rest of the cost, but I wasn't sure that was even feasible. Money has been extremely tight, so I knew that I would have to think about that for a while. In the meantime, I finished getting ready for work. I was gathering my things to leave when my doctor's office called. They said that there was a company that would come to my home (or home office as the case may be) and put in the PICC line. And the price? Less than $1000!!!!!

Now, here I sit with a PICC line in my arm while the nurse and the x-ray tech try to determine if it is positioned correctly. While the procedure wasn't without pain, I still cannot believe how God worked this whole situation out! All of the prayers were heard.

In response to my text last night, Janna Seal responded with "I'm praying for your testimony." This is it. This is how God brought me from frustration and woe to rejoicing and wonder. He has provided through the amazing people in my life. He provided before I knew Him, He provided long before I was ever even a thought. He will continue to provide for me as I move in His will. He will continue to provide for me as He has already done.

The "God provides" card is now hanging on my front door. I don't want to forget what He has already done and what He will do.

__________________________________________________________________
To those that contributed in any way -
Your prayers, financial contributions and encouraging words mean more to me than I can begin to describe. I am so thankful to have each of you in my life. Those that I don't know, clearly I need to meet you! We would be wonderful friends!! I'm certain of it! Thank you all for your willingness to let God use you and follow His prompting. I am blessed in so many ways by each of you and I wish that a hug and a "Thank you!" were enough, but they just aren't sufficient. While I cannot thank you enough, know that your reward is eternal. I love you all! Thank you!

My Give It To God Quest

2009-05-11T19:52:00.000-07:00

Phewf!! Last week was crazy! I had tons of homework and preparation for finals, trying to get utilities set up for my new apartment (oh! BTW - I'm moving at the end of the month! hehe), trying to pack and clean my house (which wasn't successful) and so many other things! Not to mention the hardest part of last week, not worrying! My goal has been to not worry about things that I know I can't take care of. I have to give these things to God. So started the Give It To God Quest. Sometimes that is incredibly hard. However, while it was hard last week - I did it! And the rewards were immeasurable!

I started the week with very little money to pay my bills. I couldn't afford to put gas in my car or purchase groceries. In fact, at the beginning of the week, I was concerned that I would overdraft for the first time in about three years. I gave it over to God. Tuesday I was able to deposit a much needed check into my account. I was able to get groceries and gas in the car as well as pay a couple bills. Unfortunately I did overdraft and was charged 2 NSF fees, but I wasn't going to worry about it. I started calling electricity companies to gather information on deposits because I knew that I wouldn't qualify to have deposits waived. I was searching for the lowest price. Call after call I was told that the deposit would be $400+!! Knowing that there was no way I could afford that amount I called my mom. I was hoping that she would encourage me in the Give It To God quest, and she did. She also suggested that I call Reliant. So, feeling pretty dejected, I called and the deposit was less than $200!! Well, that was certainly more do-able than the others! As a last ditch effort to preserve my sanity and my pocketbook I asked if there could be a guarantor on the account. My parents have been good customers with Reliant for years. They checked the accounts to make sure that everything would work while I prayed fervently on the other end of the line. Within a few minutes they came back on the line and told me that the deposit would be waived!!! WHOOHOO! One point for God!

Feeling pretty good about God's might, I decided that a phone call to my bank was in order. Surely they could refund me the $76 in fees that I had been charged. Afterall, I'm not in the habit of letting this happen. I figured that I could just tell them about my crazy month with moving and all of the fees that go along with that. Surely they would take pity on me! Nope, not a chance! The lady said that the only other option would be to have one of her superiors call me back within 48 hours. I said, okay, have them call me. I really needed that $76 with all the extra bills that I have this month. However, I was working on the Give It To God quest. So I gave it to Him and sat back. God knew my needs and would provide. By Thursday, I had received a call from a really sweet girl at the bank. They were refunding the money immediately! WHOOHOO! Another point for God!

Then I received a call from my apartment complex that I was being moved to another apartment. It was a better apartment, but this meant that all the utilities I had already set up would have to be moved. Of course, not a single company can just adjust the address in my account. No, each account had to be closed and another account created. This meant more time spent on the phone. Although, good did come of it. One customer service representative was able to get me an even better deal that will save me money for the next year!! WHOOHOO! Yet another point for God!

What a blessing and all because I did what I should have been doing all along! What a great and mighty God that we serve! All week Satan was placing obstacles in my path and God was just pushing them aside. God does this each and every day of our lives for each one of us! Imagine life without His help! Praise be to Him because He helps even those don't believe in Him. I am so glad that God is showing me His power! Or rather, that He has opened my eyes to His power. I pray that you are experiencing God's mighty power as well! I'm sure you are - ask that God will open your eyes to it! You're in for a ride!! Don't forget your seatbelt!

While I'm Waiting

2009-04-26T20:42:00.000-07:00

Tonight I watched Fireproof - and wow! Its a great movie! I learned a lot about relationships and loving others. However, I think that the thing that touched me the most was a song that was in the movie. The song comes in when Kirk Cameron's character is fully devoted to the "Love Dare" and is waiting for his wife to realize that God has changed his heart.

While I Am Waiting - John Waller

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

I have felt like I have been in a state of waiting for a long time. I don't know all of what I'm waiting for or how long I will be waiting or even the WHY I'm waiting. The wait can be so painful. Not knowing what is in store for my life and not knowing where God is leading me is a scary road to walk down. However, I have to be hopeful! Isaiah 30:18 says, " Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. blessed are all who wait for Him!" (NIV)

Through this song, I felt God speaking to me and encouraging me to not lose the hope that He alone promises. I can't just wait on the Lord passively. I have to be actively waiting! I have to be seeking Him and His strength. I have to be serving Him and worshipping Him through this time. Through the wait, I will find peace and rest in Him. During the wait He will be molding me and forming me into something that will bring Him glory. And in the end I will be blessed beyond anything that I can think or imagine.

My goal is to be active in my wait. I would really appreciate any suggestions of some ministries that I can be serving in. I finish the school semester in just over 2 weeks and would love to get involved in a ministry where I can serve God and show His love to others. I enjoy working with children, adults, people with special needs - anyone! I just want to be able to share the love of Christ with others! Please help me in this through ideas and/or prayer.

Are you waiting? I would love to hear about your wait! Email me at daniellemcdade@gmail.com. The wait is painful, but we have hope in Christ! Thank you and God bless! Good night!

Not There & Tomorrow, but Here & Now!

2009-04-13T20:20:00.000-07:00

This weekend was really a time of revelation for me. I have been doubting myself, as usual. I have mostly been doubting the timing of things. I was called to ministry on Acts 1:8 which says, "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth," (NIV). I focused my eyes on what I assumed was my goal - to go overseas. And I have gone, albeit 8 years ago! There have not been opportunities since then to go and I accepted that this time was a time for me to grow. I have grown, and grown hugely in just the last year. However, about 8 months ago I stepped out in an act of obedience. I contacted mission board after mission board and was turned down or didn't quite feel comfortable. I began to wonder if my idea of what I was supposed to do had been wrong. My tendency is to create my life and clue God in later. He winds up having to correct my mistakes and turn me towards the correct path.

A few weeks ago, I was sitting with a friend, Jalah, and expressing how frustrated I was that I didn't know where I was supposed to be a "witness." I had finally reconciled to the idea that my timing isn't correct. But, how could I have gone 9 years with this idea? If this was the case - I had clearly not been listening to God. It was a hard pill to swallow and I didn't have the water to down it! My friend's response? She said, "God will get the glory no matter where you witness. All He wants is for you to be obedient to His command for you to witness." This clue wasn't big enough for me. I started praying that God would knock me over the head with it. When it comes to God's will for my life, I need a huge spotlight that blinks over the correct choice. I wasn't seeing that yet. So I continued praying and praying...and praying.

This weekend a friend brought over a few books that I was looking through. I was reading a few things here and there and learning several great things about Moses and his leadership. Close to the end of the pile was one that would knock me over. (Unfortunately I can't remember the name of it or the author so I can't give proper credit. :0( Sorry!) I opened the book like I had all the others towards the back and a heading caught my eye. I started reading and God knocked my upside the head. The message was there in black and white. The book talked about how sometimes God calls us to something and then commands us to wait. It was specifically talking about missions and going overseas. It said that sometimes we feel like we are supposed to be in Africa (check, got that) and yet we are here (yep, check). It went more in depth, but that's the gist. I started crying. All this time I have been looking towards something without seeing whats right in front of me. I have so many opportunities to be a witness here, no matter where that here is! I never felt that God was saying that I wasn't EVER going to go overseas, but at this time I am right where I'm supposed to be. My prayer had been answered! I am seeing how I should be serving God here and now. Perhaps later in life after I finish school or after I'm married I might go overseas. For now, I am going to focus on glorifying God in my life each and every day. This has always been the goal, but I have been getting side tracked by decisions that were never mine to make! I don't feel like I've failed God anymore - I can see that He placed me here for a reason. I'm excited to have this time here!!

Please pray that I would remember that God has revealed His will to me and not doubt it. I would also ask for prayer for a friend. She is struggling financially and doesn't feel like God will provide. Please pray that she would be filled with faith in her Jehovah-Jireh (The Lord will provide). His provisions always come - He is rarely early, but never late! Praise God!

You in My Life

2009-03-30T20:10:00.000-07:00

Do you see the Lord in everyday life? Like really see Him? Well, not physically see *HIM*, but see Him. He has been revealing Himself to me each everyday in so many ways. Some days its people's encouragement and others its the warm hug from a friend (I LOVE HUGS!) Sometimes its the realization of something new or a different perspective on something old. No matter how He chooses to surprise me each day He does! I am continually amazed by the things that He is showing me. How have I never seen these things before? How have I missed the innumerable ways that He is blessing me? And oh! How He blesses me!

The last several months I have been struggling with depression. Truly, I've struggled with it my entire life. I was put on anti-depressants when I was 13. We tried every medication, some of which almost landed me in the hospital because they made me worse, not better. Unfortunately, I have treatment resistant depression. This means that a certain medicine will work for a few months up to a couple years and then suddenly stop working. When I was 20 I stopped taking the meds cold turkey. I was tired of always being nauseated which was my main side effect. As well, my only other options for treatment were electroshock therapy or Vagus Nerve Stimulation which would entail spinal surgery. I focused on everything but the depression and eventually pushed it to the back of my mind. I lived life "fine", not having to face the reality that the pains still lurked in my mind.

In February 2008, I received word that my father (who I have never known) had passed away. I didn't realize how much it was affecting me until late June when I decided to go to a counselor because of the issues I was having. During that one session I realized exactly what I was dealing with - the death of a father I never knew. I was grieving the loss of something that I would never have a chance to know. I left, not intending to go back. By the first week in July I found myself in my general practitioners office requesting a prescription. He placed me on a medicine that was "the next generation" of a medicine that had worked mildly well in the past for me. The next week I was worse and found myself having awful thoughts. I didn't want to act on the thoughts. I was no where near that state, I just couldn't stop the thoughts and it was scaring me. I went to a treatment facility to see if they could help me, but left that night with little hope. The only solution was for me to stop the medication and deal with it.

The next week was our singles summer retreat and I knew that I had to go. My roommate was out of the country and there was no one (or many ones) to stay with me most of the time. I was terrified what I might do. Although I didn't want to act on the awful thoughts I was having, that didn't mean I needed to sit at home dwelling on the thoughts! So I went to Surfside, TX with the group and was not myself the entire trip. My roommate on the trip was the only person that could really get me to do anything and I went to bed early each night. Which is definitely not like me!! I felt bad that I was such a downer, but couldn't seem to pull myself out of the funk that I was in. I was getting better by the time that we were home and over the next few weeks, I once again returned to the person that I had been before the medicine.

One day, I received a call. That call would be a true wake-up call. The amazing woman on the other end told me about her battle with depression. Through that battle she tried medication and therapy, and eventually due to insurance reasons had to stop. She realized that God was wanting her to cling to Him. She did that and had been off of medication for a few years. She was encouraging me to trust in the Lord. Unfortunately I had missed all the signs prior, but luckily God was persistent and not so subtle this time. For a couple weeks I would dwell on the words that I heard on the phone that day. I started praying. I didn't pray that God would heal me or that He would show me what to do. I started praying that I would desire HIM. The process was [and is] long, but it felt like suddenly I was being myself more and more. Don't get me wrong - I have plenty of times where I am blue, upset, or just need a good crying fit. However, I'm learning to turn towards God during those times. Life's hard sometimes. In the end He's getting the glory, because His unfailing love is the only reason that I am here.

"You who have shown me many troubles and distresses

Will revive me again,

And will bring me up again from the depths of the earth.

May You increase my greatness

And turn to comfort me.

I will also praise You with a harp,

Even Your truth, O my God;

To You I will sing praises with the lyre,

O Holy One of Israel. "

Psalm 71:20-22 (NASB)

The reason for this post was that I wanted to thank each person that has encouraged me or blessed me over the last few months. I can't name all of you because there are far too many! However, I pray that you would know who you are. If you have said a kind word to me or smiled at me, given me a hug or been there to talk (in person or on the phone for hours) - you are a blessing to me. The more that I think about it, the more people I realize have blessed me. The new friendships that have been started or are just starting - all blessings! The kind words said in the choir room or the comments left encouraging me - even more blessings! I hope that I have encouraged you in return. I am praying that even though I can't express thanks enough you would know how much your encouragement means to me! I hope that hearing my story helps you understand why I value that encouragement so much. I praise God for you and the work that He is doing through you.

Please ensure that you are reading the paragraph below in a medicine commercial announcer voice! :0)

Disclaimer: Please do not take this post to mean that I am encouraging you to stop any medication that you are on. My being able to stop antidepressants was God's will for my life. As well, just because I am relying on God instead of the medication doesn't mean that I am not struggling with depression. It is a daily battle still, hopefully it will be easier as time goes on, but I doubt that I will ever be free of the depression. While there are those that can live without medication, I really believe that medication can be the way that God heals people of this illness. Medication was certainly a healing tool in my life through my teenage years. I am not a physician. Please consult your doctor before stopping any medication.

Flocks, Floundering & Friends

2009-03-06T20:39:00.000-08:00

This week I have felt God's blessings all around me. Sometimes, I think, we forget to look for them. Or we are too blinded by other things to see exactly how God is blessing us in all the little things. I could list all of the ways that I have been blessed this week, but really...there's just too many! At the beginning of the week I was stressed about finances (mainly that I didn't have any) and now I am at ease with that situation. Throughout the week I was provided for and in the course of purchasing some much needed items I was blessed with instant deep discounts! Finances are a pretty big stresser for me. I let Satan get the better of me in this area because I worry about it. However, this week I knew that I was going to have to rely on God and make some sacrifices. I was able to and just as I had suspected all along, God provided. Why is it so hard to rely on Him to provide? Luke 12:24 says, "Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!" (NIV) God provides daily for the birds, why would I ever think that He wouldn't provide for me?

Another blessing has been through the people that have been placed in my life. Some are new and some are old, but they are still blessings. Through this time of great transition in my life I have felt kinda lost. I just haven't felt my place of belonging. My friends are getting married and starting relationships meaning less time to spend with me. I am so excited for all of them - each of them deserves to find the person God has for them, but I want to see them too! :0) However, while I have felt like I was floundering by myself, God has shown me the people that are in my life that are still there. My awesome roommate is such a source of encouragement. And when I need to lose it all and shatter into a million pieces, she's there to help me gather them all up and super glue them back together. I also have some really great new friends that encourage me. Some of them, I never would have thought would want to be friends with me! Truly, sometimes they are the ones that encourage me the most through their kind words and actions! I think its because its unexpected. While I don't yet feel like I know where I belong like before, I know that I will find my place.

As I haven't felt like I belong somewhere, I have been trying to earnestly seek God. That is probably one of the biggest reasons that I'm going through most of this (although who can really fathom the reasoning of God?). In the past, I would run to friends for guidance or comfort. I need to run to God first. He is the one that guides us and comforts us. No man can match what God gives. I need to remember that when I am stressed and floundering by myself. Seek God, Danielle! Seek Him. SEEK HIM.

100% Perfect

2009-03-01T20:16:00.000-08:00

Today I have not been myself. I started this morning off right - I was excited about going to church and seeing the kiddos in class. I got to the service and we sang a beautiful song that is really moving called "At the Cross". After the service we decided where to go to lunch and then we all left. As I was driving to the restaurant, I started thinking about all the changes that are occuring in my life. My best friend is getting married (T minus 13 days!!) and my other friends have all started dating each other. We have gone from 13 people in our singles group to 5 couples. There is only me and two other girls left unattached. This has all happened within the last 2-3 weeks. Talk about feeling left out!! Where's my Prince Charming or Knight in Shining Armor? *sigh* Luckily, on Friday I came across this really awesome article that talked about some of the things that single girls believe about themselves or marriage, etc. God was showing me that it isn't that I'm defective, its His timing. Not that any of that makes it any easier to wait and be patient. Nor does any of that make it hurt less when I'm not the one being "chosen". However, it does give me the opportunity to draw closer to Him. I am endeavoring to pray everytime I think about this desire - a sort of fasting, if you will, from allowing myself to sink into my relationship pit of despair. In previous posts I've talked about being pulled out of a pit and then wanting to crawl right back in. This pit is much the same as the one in the previous post, its just a newer remodeled one!

I have also been struggling with mission opportunities. Do I stay or go? I feel that I am supposed to stay for the time being. A few weeks ago I expressed an urgent request to World Venture that I felt like God was leading me to go, and quick! There were no doubts in my mind that this is what I was supposed to do. I felt God leading me in that direction and knew that He would provide the means. The next day I was no longer feeling that this was the correct plan. I began to wonder if this had all been a test for me to see if I would follow God's will or not. Then today, I felt that the feeling of being testing was indeed confirmed when Pastor Randy preached from Deuteronomy 8:2 which says. "Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands." (NIV) WOW! God does test us to see if we will follow His commands. How humbling is that once you realize it? I felt relieved. The thought that I had screwed up God's plan in some way because of a mistake was totally irrational (how can I screw up God's plan?!?!), but still there. I felt that God was reassuring me that I had simply been following Him, I was never on the wrong path. I feel at peace with staying, although I don't know why I am. God's timing is 100% perfect, which I will have to remember so that I can dodge all these pits that seem to be littering the land. I also don't feel ashamed that I almost made a mistake in going at the wrong time. I feel more free to pursue my new ministry involvement with the Children's Ministry at church. Before I was wondering why God gave me such a huge desire to be around kids again if I was going to be leaving (relatively) soon. Ack! I will never be able to understand God's plan. Ephesians 3:20 says, "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." (NASB) I can't even fathom or imagine all that He can do. I need to stop trying!

One last thing, thank you for all your prayers for my Facebook friend that I talked about a couple weeks ago. He hasn't been on my mind as much, but he is still there. However, I have noticed a change in his profile status updates lately. Before there were disgusting thoughts, sayings and words in them. Now, they have changed. I certainly don't know whats going on in his life, but hopefully God is drawing him closer.

Please say another quick prayer for my friend. Hopefully, one day he will be able to thank you for that. Also, please pray that I can stay sane as the next two weeks go by. Between weddings, school and finances, I am stressed to the max. I had a melt down today - poor Jenn (my sweet, terrific roommate) had to calm me down. I appreciate your prayers and thank you for listening to me rant. ¡Adiós!

Swirling

2009-02-24T21:28:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago a friend and I were talking about photography. He is an amazing photographer. He takes the kind of pictures that I have ALWAYS wanted to take, but never could. His pictures are awesome. So I was telling him how I had really lost my passion for photography. That as soon as it was what I was going to school for, I didn't want to take anymore pictures. I don't know if it was the rules or what, but I had little or no desire to take pictures. Now, my major in school has changed and I no longer have to take pictures. Since that conversation, all I can think about is taking pictures. I have thought about who or what I want to take a picture of and where I want to go to take pictures and angles and lighting and all sorts of things. Unfortunately my time is consumed with homework and work and weddings and bridal showers and everything else. So all I have been able to do is think about it. I can't run out and take pictures - I have no time. The ideas are swirling in my head and I have no way to stop them. I will have to take time after Ashley's wedding to go and take pictures. Of anything, anyone, just take pictures. AH! Bliss!

Oh! I do get to take headshots of Ashley's sister-in-law on the 7th. I am excited about that. Mainly because it is something that she will be able to use and not just a pretty picture that hangs on a wall. These pictures will actually (hopefully) help her in her operatic career. I am getting really excited about this. I can't wait!

I will have to contain myself as I go to bed tonight. The ideas just won't stop swirling. How am I supposed to sleep with all these ideas that just won't stop? I'm glad to enjoy photography again, it feels nice! More and more ideas...swirling...just swirling...and swirling...

Good night!

You are My Purpose...You're Everything

2009-02-16T19:46:00.000-08:00

I am blind. Or rather, I have been blinded. Today I sat and thought about what it means to be blind. In my last post, I mentioned that I may be letting some things in my life blind me to God and His will. To be honest, until that moment I hadn't fully considered that I was the one standing in the way of God working in my life. I knew that there were things that needed to be changed - but WOW! I never thought the pile was so high. I figured that He was just being difficult - trust me He's been known to do that to me! :0) However, the more I thought about whether or not I am the one that is allowing things to come between me and Him the more I realized that the answer is a resounding yes I was/am. Now, as much as I like to tell people that I am, I'm not perfect. I have never been perfect, unfortunately. However, I don't think that I have ever realized exactly how much I have let come between me and God. All of the things that I have let sit between the two of us! The lies and deceptions that I have believed from people and society. The relationships, or lack-thereof that I have held onto. The vast array of things that I give a value. The mis-management of my time that doesn't allow me to fit in a quiet time everyday. All this and MORE is between us.

Dictionary.com defines blind as "without the ability to see clearly; lacking visibility; and without guidance or forethought." This is the state that I am in. How I got here - I'm not quite sure. It definitely hasn't, but it feels like it snuck up on me. Truly, its me being rebellious to the point that I have to stand on top of the mountain that I've created and scan the horizon in search of God. There is so much distance in my relationship with Him because of the worldly things that I have surrounded myself with. Not a single one of those things means anything without Him. Many of the things that are there could be amazing and valuable things. A friendship is a valuable thing. As well as my time. However, if these things lead me away from Christ what value do they really hold? None. They lose their value. They lose their value because they have caused me to turn away from what I should be pursuing full-force. Why then do I keep running towards these things and away from God? Because I fear that it will be harder to run towards God. However, in the end the reward will be so much greater. I chose that path, the one that leads me down my mountain and standing on the precipice of something truly amazing. That precipice, I feel is right in front of me if I desire to seek it out. Its been there all along, I've been too blinded to see it!

When I am feeling particularly separated from God, I listen to the song "Everything" by Lifehouse. They are not a Christian group, but their singer and bassist (I believe) are. However, whether this song is Christian or not, it can certainly be thought of from the Christian perspective. Today it really spoke to me. i would encourage you to take a listen to the lyrics and watch this video. It wonderfully illustrates the way that we buy into the lies, but Christ is there to hold them at bay when we simply seek His face. Go to BigRedChicken.com

"Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses. I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and of Christ Jesus, who in his testimony before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, to keep the commandment unstained and free from reproach until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Timothy 6: 11-14 (ESV)

Maybe its Me...

2009-02-12T20:21:00.001-08:00

Whoosh! What a crazy few weeks it has been! I feel like I have been going non-stop! Between school , work, trying to be social, helping with Ashley's wedding and everything else I am exhausted!

School has gotten me really bogged down. I had to read Beowulf the first week - OUCH! That was a huge pain! My Spanish class has been extremely hard. It doesn't help that I am suddenly remembering the German words that I barely knew in HS, but had forgotten until the instant that I need to learn the word in Spanish. Perhaps online Spanish wasn't the thing for me...Ashley's wedding is right around the corner (see pic for Ashley and her bridesmaids). Ashley, my best friend of 13 years, who has been my single companion (and by that I mean that she was single with me - not that she was my only companion) is getting married. I'm sure I've mentioned it before. Its kind of a big deal right now. I am really excited for her and excited that I get the honor of MOH (maid of honor). However, with that honor comes the responsibility to make sure that she gets all her showers and helping her not forget something important about the wedding and a million other things! I really do enjoy it. This weekend the bride was the one calming me down! We were making petite fours for her bridal shower and she was here helping me. Not a single one of them turned out like I wanted them to and she was there to calm me down and help me get past my perfectionistic tendencies. I think its supposed to be the other way around, with me calming her!! She's so amazing - she has been so laid back and easy-going about the whole wedding. Its truly incredible.

I have been very confused about the mission aspect of my life. I felt that God was saying, GO! Now I feel like He's saying WAIT! and I don't know what on! I have many guesses as to the reason why I'm not going. Some of which I will share, others that I won't. I know that there are things in my life that need to change. I need to be continually seeking Him daily which is something that I really struggle with. I know that I need a more in-depth knowledge of Him and His Word. And then there are the dozens of other things that I don't feel like I can share in this kind of arena. (WHOA! Who would have ever thought that Danielle would chose not to share something!!!!) I am more confused now than I have ever been. To be honest, I am beginning to wonder if I have fooled myself into thinking that its God that wants me to wait, when maybe its me. Some of the reasons that I didn't disclose could potentially be reasons that I am allowing to blind me from God's will.

One last thing and I will say ¡Adiós!(español for goodbye!) I became friends with this guy on Facebook. Not sure why I asked him to be my friend, but he had joined one of my groups and so I decided to add him as a friend. Since he confirmed the friendship he has really been on my mind. I have never met this guy. I doubt I will ever meet him and I don't think that I'm the type of person that he would hang out with. However, we are friends, at least on Facebook. On his profile, he makes it obvious that he doesn't belive in God. However, I have really felt the Holy Spirit leading me to pray for him. He is on my mind at odd times. When he comes to mind, I feel compelled to pray for his heart to be opened and for him to seek the Lord. It is one of the oddest things I have ever experienced. Like I said, I will probably never meet this guy, but here I am half a world away thinking of him and praying that he will come to a saving knowledge of Christ. Its incredible. Despite the fact that I am still in the US, I do know that my ministry has already started. I will never, ever know that this person was touched or if he becomes a Christian. However, I will know that I have prayed for him, as I felt God urging me to do.

If you have a chance, could you say a little prayer for me that I will seek Him and that He will open doors? And could you also say a prayer for my friend that his heart would be opened and that he would come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ? I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for listening to me ramble tonight and ¡Adiós!

Rock and/or Roll!

2009-01-28T08:19:00.000-08:00

First of all, I would like to thank my first and only follower...YOU ROCK AND/OR ROLL!! :0) i am so excited! Now, I have to be truthful, she probably only became my follower because I'm one of her followers. Ah, well!

These last couple of weeks have been incredibly busy and incredibly stressful. I started school last week and the week before was spent trying to sort out all kinds of messes with financial aid and books and access codes. I am finally just IN the classes and doing great. With the exception of my Spanish class which I was stupid enough to take online. I doubt that I will grasp enough of the concepts to actually speak anything in Spanish, but we are going to keep moving forward.

I have started working in the Children's Ministry at church. I was really nervous because I haven't worked with children in a long time. I was a nanny for about three years, but that ended about four years ago. Other than interactions with my current boss' children, I haven't been around many children. Its a little tough getting back into the swing of things. However, Sunday was my first time teaching and I think everything went well. I need to work on my time management, but other than that I think the kids learned the concept and enjoyed their time with me. I enjoyed getting to know them. I will only be working with them every other week, so I will see them again in 2 weeks. God might be leading me to work more full-time with them, but I am resistant. I'm pretty adept at resisting things like this. I will eventually get there, but not just yet...

Unfortunately I have to get to work on the pile of homework that is sitting in front of my on my desk. I can't ignore it any longer. Luckily, I am off today (an ice storm has ripped through Texas!!) and can devote some time to homework. Stay safe on the roads out there and bring me more followers!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!

Focus On My Higher Purpose

2009-01-13T20:17:00.001-08:00

> I believe that I was born for a higher purpose. For me, that means
> that I was born to be a missionary particularly foreign and to
> spread the Gospel. For others that means that they are to be
> ministers or mothers or so many other things. I am utterly excited
> about my higher purpose, I only wish that I could get the show on
> the road!
>
> Today I realized something after going to dinner with some friends.
> I realized that Satan is trying his hardest to get me to lose my
> focus. I was beginning to feel myself being pulled back into
> something, a pit pit (extra pit for emphasis) if you will, that I
> had been pulled out of. How easy and comfortable it would have been
> to climb back into that pit! Now, as I'm typing this out I am
> realizing that some of my really fantastic friends are still in that
> pit. At the same time I am yearning to be there with them and
> anxious to turn my back on it and them! For if they opened their
> eyes they would see that the pit isn't what it appears to be and
> they would cry to be pulled out of it.
>
> How grateful I am that I am able to recognize the pit for what it is
> and not see the deception any longer! I despair to think what would
> have happened if I had fallen back to my old ways. Geesh! All that
> I have worked so hard for the last few months, all the work that God
> has done in me would all have been in vain!
>
> Thank you, Lord for your grace! Your patience with me is awesome
> and vast! Please continue to guide me and help me to remain
> cognizant of those pit pits that you have already pulled me from!
>
> Danielle :0)
> Sent from my iPhone

Why again?

2009-01-10T11:36:00.000-08:00

For the last 3 years, almost (April will be 3 years) I have suffered with intense sinus, ear and throat infections. It all started with a feeling like the room was spinning and it turned out to be an ear infection. Over the last 3 years I have had 19 ear/sinus/throat infections. I have had a total of 5 different surgical procedures to alleviate the pain and symptoms and try to resolve the issue. Not to mention that I have taken more steriods and antibiotics than any one person should ever, ever take.

Now, here I am after a 7 month break (PRAISE GOD!) and I have yet another ear/sinus infection. My ears are popping, I have a horrible sinus headache and I have landed back in the pharmacy with another prescription in my hand. This one has been ongoing for the last 3 weeks, I started getting sick right before Christmas. For this particular round I have taken 3 different antibiotics, steriods, nasal steriods and I rinse my sinuses twice daily.

The reason that I chose this topic to write on today is that I forgot to take my medicine until about 1:15 today when I was eating (have to take meds w/food) and my ears are starting to bother me. I've been on meds for 3 weeks, I shouldn't be feeling pain now. In fact, this should all be wrapping up and I should be moving on.

I am becoming increasingly frustrated with these infections and I just want it to be done. I know that God is trying to teach me patience and perserverance, but I don't really appreciate the lesson when I'm not feeling well. Everyone keeps telling me that I can't expect that this is going to turn into more than one infection like it always has in the past. Everyone keeps telling me that this is just one infection. Well, none of that helps! How can I sit and assume that this is just a fluke? That I won't get sick anymore and that I don't have anything to worry about? I can't. I have to prepare myself for the pain and frustration that is sure to follow should this progress into more infections. Then, if it doesn't I can rejoice in that! No one really understands, which is hard.

I really am hopeful that this isn't anything more than just the one infection. And I try to be optimistic, but when I feel like I want to rip my ear drums out its pretty much the only thing I can focus on. I have a doctor appointment on Monday morning, so hopefully he will be able to give me some good news!

Hows that for a bright and cheery second post? This afternoon I am meeting my best friend Ashley (see profile pic - she's the one on the right) to help her pick out/purchase her wedding veil. I am excited for her! The next couple of months will be extremely busy with wedding stuff for her and me, the Maid-of-Honor. Then, we are having a game night with the Singles group at my church. I'm really looking forward to it. You're welcome to come - in fact you should! See you there!

I decided to try it out

2009-01-07T20:04:00.001-08:00

So, for a while now I have been contemplating creating a blog. Today, I decided is the perfect time. I installed 3 different blogging platforms to my personal website (bigredchicken.com) and didn't really like them. So, I set up this account with blogger.com. Its nice, super easy to use and customizable. I think that this will be fun.

I don't really want to take time to tell you about myself - although there is a little in my profile. I want you to get to know me as I blog. If I met you at school, church or the grocery store, this is how you would get to know me. So, since you shouldn't get preferential treatment, I will reveal things as I want...I hold all the power! HAHAHA! :0)

Now, on to the interesting stuff. You may not think that its interesting, but your already on the ride why jump off now? Today was just an ordinary day. However, I did have a phone interview with WorldVenture.com. I knew that I was going to have the interview, but not that it would last almost an hour! It was really good though! World Venture (WV) is a mission board that sends out missionaries to many, many locations around the world. Since August 2008 I have been applying with mission boards. A major drawback to many is that they have a BMI requirement (I am overweight - so I would have to lose many lbs) and many require that you have a bachelors degree. I have been placed in a "holding" status for both or one of these requirements with many of the mission boards. Some of the others I haven't really felt comfortable with the fit.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am working on my weight. But in August I felt like God had something for me now, not in 6 months or 1 year when I have lost the weight. Lucky for me, WV has no BMI requirement and they only require that you have the education necessary to perform your job with them. In many cases this doesn't require a bachelors. I spoke with Audrey on the phone and she asked me all the normal questions about my salvation and my walk with Christ. She said that they had many opprotunities that she thought might be a fit for me. I left the conversation feeling very optimistic, more than I can say for many other mission boards. Now, I need to look over their opprotunities and see what I might be interested in.

I was also excited because they have mission trips in the short-term for people that are considering mid to long-term jobs. These mission trips are more geared towards the missionary and "potential" missionary to enable questions and more learning about the everyday atmosphere instead of a project based trip where your time is spent on the project at hand. I am really excited about this, I haven't been overseas since June 2001 and my heart is already somewhere else. I have no clue where it is, but it is definitely not here. I was made to serve overseas!

I am prayerful that I am on the path that God has laid before me, the right one that is. I want so badly to be serving overseas, I am really learning patience and faith. I have to rely on Him to provide the way in His timing.

I would like to leave you with a Bible verse. This verse is my life verse, the very reason that i exist. If you don't have a life verse that gives you purpose and describes why God created you, i would encourage you to pray for one.

"...But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." Acts 1:8 (NIV)